Home is Your First and Most Important Ministry

,: 2023

0:37 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Good morning, Journey of You Community. Wanna talk to you today about your home? It is truly your 1st and most important ministry. Can speak from personal experience how much it matters, what you do or don't for into your home, and the peace that can be felt by those who live there and all who walk in the door, as well as turmoil or tension Uh, that can be felt. And so one of the scriptures that comes to mind is Proverbs 14, chapter one. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hand.

1:27 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

That's a heavy verse. I know um. A woman. You set the tone in your home. It doesn't matter if you're the only person in it. Like if you're single, if you're in a relationship, if you have children, Or roommates, anything else like you set the tone in the home and if you have an off day, you're upset, you're angry. The tension can be felt in the air by everybody else involved. And I notice like a lot of pressure, like I'm not perfect, I'm not gonna get it right all the time. You're not expected to, okay, you are expected to.

2:06 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Fix it, in terms of approaching each day as the gift that it is, that's why it's called the present. And resetting, if yesterday you didn't do so well and you know, maybe you were yelling, maybe you were upset, maybe it was a rough day today, you get up and you try again. And so that's where I want to focus on how important it is, your mindset, the things that you say. The way that you carry yourself, your personality, how you interact with everyone else, even when you're broken, even when you're hurting.

2:42 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Frustrating dealing with trauma. How you show up affects every other person. I know that's a lot to carry, but I'm not asking you to carry it alone either. Jesus is always with us. We don't realize he's there, or it doesn't feel like he's there. Things aren't going your way. You might not even be hearing from him the way you want to. He is still right there. Waiting to welcome you with open arms. And a lott of times we try to control the outcome or we want, you know, things to go this way or that way.

3:18 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

And if Jesus isn't moving fast enough or we're like God, you're not moving quick enough, let me get it moving along or let me do this to help He doesn't need our help. He just needs us to be open and willing vessels, and so Verse I want to bring up is Proverb 15. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. How often has somebody just pushed that exact, and you went from zero to a hundred? Instead of giving that soft answer, I will say, For me. Home was my very 1st priority and most important ministry.

4:00 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Everything that I did in terms of business, work, job. Classes. Whatever I was doing, I worked it around my family schedule. I wanted to make sure that I was putting my kids on the bus every morning and then I was taking them off the bus every afternoon. I didn't want them to just be at daycare all day. I wanted them to be with me. And so I either worked at daycare so I could be with them, or I was like the director where I could be Bring them with me, and then they leave with me. But the point is, they they were with me.

4:30 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Or even the times that I like found stuff that I could do from home so that I could be there for them. Especially like in the months of like summer and things like that. And so everything I did, I worked it around my schedule and It wasn't always easy to find roles that, you know, would pay a whole lot but would give you that flexibility. It was like, nope, if you want this money, you're gonna have to be here. When I say, you know. Whatever time I say, whatever day it is type thing. And so it was the delicate balance of like, okay, I want to help, you know, provide for my family with my husband, but I also want to be there for them and have that work life balance that for the longest time it just didn't seem like I could find the right thing for that.

5:13 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

And so there was a struggle and we went through certain traumatic things in our relationship and it was like I kept pouring in and pouring in like a Okay, if I do this, this will get better. If I do this, this will get better. And it was like I was doing it on my own strength and I was praying and believing God too, but it was like, I felt like there were things that, you know, I could hurry up, you know, move it along type thing. But it got to a point that I didn't feel like, I think it's Steve Harvey who talked about like the ten gallon bucket.

5:47 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

I felt like I was pouring out ten gallons, but only getting like one gallon if that in return. And eventually I was feeling depleted. And so where I was freely serving and freely giving and freely loving. Started to turn to like that hurt and bitterness and anger and frustration. And it got to a point that it wasn't sure, yeah, that'd be fine or okay, you know. Le Let's discuss it. It would be like I was like responding from a place of hurt and pain or brokenness. Sometime just sheer exhaustion.

6:27 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

How often are you running on fumes? I know you've heard me say before that you cannot pour from an empty vessel, and that is so true. Again I say self care is the best care. You have to take care of yourself and even when your home is your 1st and most important ministry, it's no good if you're not any good. No matter what, there's only so long you can put a smile on your face and on the surface look like you're okay, but be broken and hurting on the inside. You've got to deal with what's happening under the surface.

7:04 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

It makes me think of the iceberg analogy where everybody can see the stuff on the surface level. It's like, oh man, you know, she's got that all together, she's doing this, she's doing that, But underneath that you are falling apart on the inside and trying to keep it all together. It's very real and you could find yourself there even right now in this moment, I want to encourage you One That you are not alone. I understand. I've been there. I get it. No one has it altogether. You're not gonna have all roses and sunshine every day.

7:34 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

There's gonna be thorns, pain, storm, rain, it's coming. The enemy seeks to kill still and destroy. He never sleeps, so he's not gonna just back off. Yes, if you resist the devil, he will flee, but he's constantly coming at you, which means you've got to constantly be guarded and ready to go. And when you're not, he's just gonna keep coming, trying to distract you and break your focus so that he can keep you off track. So that your focus isn't on God, because that's the only way that you're able to move forward and have that soft answer that turns away wrath.

8:07 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

That's the only way you can wisely build your house when your focus is on God, because you're doing it in His strength and His direction and guidance. You can't do it on your own because we're human, You inevitably cannot do it alone. You need God's help to do it. And any time that you're disconnected from Him and not talking to Him, it's that much harder to do. That's something that I've discovered here lately that a season It was like I could pour everybody else outside of my home, but inside it was like that tension and that.

8:45 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Discomfort and frustration. And it was like you, you could feel it. And I was constantly like, well, you need excuse me, you need to fix this, you need to do that. And if you did this, You know, talking to everybody in my home, but then you have to stop and look in the mirror. Very humbling experience. How often do you stop and look and think what could I do better brings me to my next scription luke six forty two how can you say to your brother Let me take the spec that is in your eye out when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye, you hypocrite.

9:34 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

1st. Take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye. I know that's heavy, we're going to sit there for a 2nd. Do you find yourself in that position where you can tell everybody else what they need to work on, how they need to fix it, and what they need to? You have to figure out well, what could be doing better, Where could you improve? What areas have you added to the fire? That can be tough, I understand. But it's necessary because it's through the refining that Jesus makes us into who he created us to be.

10:21 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

And so that correction, it's not easy, but it's necessary because When people interact with you, they need to see Jesus in you. You may be the only Jesus that they see, and it's especially important in your home with the people you spend the most time with and that you love the most. The enemy is definitely gonna try to so discord, because we all know a house divided against itself cannot stand, and that's how the enemy wants you to be divided. But if you can take the time to keep God 1st Because when you have a covenant, it's not only just with your spouse, it's with God too.

10:58 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

The aha moment he gave me last week when he was like, you can't be lukewarm, I'm telling you the last seven days I've just been getting all types of like downloads and aha moments and reflection because God Himself doesn't even allow us to be lukewarm. You can't be hot or cold, you have to be hot or cold. You can't have 1 ft in and 1 ft out. You've gotta pick a side and then once you pick it, you need to be all in. And it was like, Okay, God, I hear you and Where? Didn't have that gentle answer that it was more of that harsh word, and it did just fuel the fire even more, and it was like it got worse and worse and worse.

11:42 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

And it was like I used to have a certain prayer that I prayed every single day and I was like, I'm gonn keep praying it until it comes to Pas. But one day I just lost hope and it was like, I'm not gonna that anymore, it's not God's will. But who was I to say that God wasn't going to do it? With God, all things are possible. It's only with us that it's impossible. Because I took my focus off of God and just kept focusing on the problem and the reality in front of me. It was just like I, I don't have any hope.

12:14 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

I stopped hoping for the answerer to that prayer and you could see it happening in the natural realm. Because I was no longer sending out those Prayers, those powerful prayers, the effectual fervent prayer of righteous person avail much. I wasn't praying those prayers anymore. It was like either my prayers became timid or they just went a different direction. I stayed stuck for the longest time of like God, whyy can't I move forward, you know, why isn't this happening, Well, when's this gonna happen?

12:48 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

It was like God was literally sitting back and waiting on me to be like, okay, I surrender, I'm giving it all to you, I can see where I can do better and I'm gonna work on me. I'ma leave everything else in your hand because we can't do God's job, it's not possible, what we can do is surrender. Take care of only the areas that we can control, which is how you respond. It's where you keep your focus, that time that you're spending with God, where you are prioritizing your relationship with Him, because only then, when he's 1st and foremost in your life, Can you then work on you while he works on other people, without you having to point the finger?

13:31 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Or judge could judge, not lest they be judged, but you're able to. Freely let Him work in you and through you so that you then can love others freely in the way that God called you to. And then you can pour out because He's filling you up, you're getting full of Him. Then you're able to pour out an overflow onto others. And so it's so important that you stay connected to God for that reason, so that you can pour into your spouse and your children and anyone else that walks in the door. But you're able to do it without feeling depleted or you're not out pouring out to everybody else, you know, at work and at church and in the community.

14:11 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

But then you come home and you have nothing left for your family, which is again your 1st and most important ministry. Prioritizing is what is most important, and that's what I want you to focus on this week is prioritizing your relations. With god and the time you spend with him and then the time that you spend even with yourself becoming self aware because you also got to know what makes you you who are you maybe what you like now isn't what you liked twenty years ago maybe the things that you desire now are different than before and that's okay we're constantly evolving so you are going to change throughout your lifetime you're not gonna stay the same what you cared about as a kid you might not care about now what you cared about when you were fifteen or twenty maybe no longer matters at thirty forty fifty sixty seventy so on and so forth and so it's okay to evolve that's going to happen you're going to evolve but it's your mindset that I want you to shift What's most important and who is most important in your life?

15:14 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

God's got to be number one. And if you're like, well, I'm not sure about that, think about it. When they asked Jesus what was the 1st or what was the most important commandment, he said, This is the 1st. And greatest commandment, that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength, The 1st and greatest commandment and the 2nd is like unto it Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. So if you were to go back and read through that 1st, You got to love God, mine heart, body and soul.

15:46 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Every part of your being hass to love God. Secondly, he said, Love your neighbor as yourself. If you don't love yourself, you can't love your neighbor. Love God, love yourself, love others, always in that order. If you keep it in that order, you can fulfill everything that God called you to do because he is 1st, then you're prioritizing yourself because you also matter. God loves you, literally gave his life to be able to spin at Tonia with you until that you could have a direct line of communication to Him.

16:25 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

You can't let that line of communication go. It is vitally necessary for your spiritual health as well as every other area of your life, in order for you to thrive in those areas. He wants us to prosper and be in good health, even as our soul prospers. You've got to make sure you are feeding your soul. Your three parts mind, body, and spirit. You've got to make sure you're taking care of all of those parts. But it starts with your soul and your connection to God, because then when you love him and fix your relationship with God, then you can love yourself and then you can freely love others.

17:05 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Revelation three sixteen is the one that I mentioned because you are a luke warm and neither hot nor cold I will vomit you out of my mouth that is literally what god says so if in your relationships and in your home you are lukewarm I'm giving you a wake up call that you've either got to be hot or cold because literally every day decision you make, it will affect every single person in your home. Even if you do, you don't think that it does. It will. Every decision you make affects other people.

17:35 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

It's not just about you. God created us for unity and togetherness, and how you react and respond to those closest to you matters because it will affect me. You might say something that you forgot, that you said ten fifteen years from now twenty years from now they are still being affected by it that lets you know just how much that power of life and death that is in your tongue truly matters and so you wanna make sure that every day when you wake up you are putting on your whole arm armor because the enemy is coming it tells us an effusion six twelve that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers against the powers against the world forces of this darkness against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places That's what we have to remember.

18:27 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

It's not your loved one. That's coming for you. They are not your enemy. It's not the person next door, or the person down the street, or the person at work, or your boss, or your friend. It's none of those people. All of it is spiritual warfare. Every bit of it always goes back to the spiritual realm, and that's what we have to remember. We're not fighting against each other, we are fighting a war in the spirit. But the beauty in that is that when Jesus got on the and died and shed His blood for us we got the victory then two thousand and twenty three years ago there's literally nothing satan can do to defeat you because jesus already won he took the keys to death hell and the grave like even if your life ends there's nothing that satan can do about it because in eternity you can still be with jesus if you've already accepted him in your heart you get to go spin Attn with him there is literally nothing that Satan can do.

19:29 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

So when I tell you it is that important, you your prob, like, oh, that's extreme, it not. It is literally a life or death matter, both present while you are here in this life and the life to come. And so this week I want you to focus on making sure That your home is your 1st and most important ministry. That you align your relationship with God, even if you're mad at him, if you're upset, if you don't like something that he did. It's okay, he can handle it, tell him lay it down at the altar so it doesn't leave you in bondage and stuck where you are, no longer doing the things that He's called you to do and fulfilling the purpose that He's called you to fulfill.

20:07 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

This is literally your journey and you have the power to correct it. Even if it's been jacked up for years, right now, today you could change it and make it better. So fix your relationship with God, stay connected with Him, learn to love yourself and see yourself the way that God sees you. Not as the things you've been through, not the trauma that you've experienced, not the loss that you've walked through, not the hurt or the pain from things other people have done to you. But how?

20:36 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

God sees you. You matter. You are loved, you are chosen, you are accepted. God loves you, and there's no greater love than that that a man will lay down his life for his friends. Jesus laid His life down for you, so I want you to keep that in mind today. As you work on your relationship with him and you work on your relationship with yourself because then you're gonna be able to work on your relationship with other people and you can pour out freely because your home is your 1st and most important ministry.

21:09 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

If you walk out the door and pour out to everybody else and you make their days great and better and encouraged and uplifted, great. But if you can't do that right there with the people in your home, you're out of order and you got to correct that. Speaking from experience, I'm telling you You've got to correct it, and when you surrender and give it to God, He can exponentially redeem the time. He can make things happen that maybe you waited for years and years and years and years to happen, and he can accelerate it and make it happen quickly because now you're in order.

21:48 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

God does everything in decency and in order. So today that's what I want you to work on, making sure that you are in decency and orderer with Him. Let's pray. Thank You so much for your word, Lord, we thank You for your faithfulness, that your word never returns to you void. And that we can trust in your Father, that your faithful fulfill your promises. Thank you that we can be strong and of good courage that you are with us wherever we go, just like you told us in Joshua one and nine. Thank you, father.

22:23 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

That you want what's best for us, and that you already know the planet. You have for us back when informed us in our mother's. Lord, thank you for the purpose that you've given us to reach the lost father, to spread your love and share it with other people, just as you have so richly shared it with us. I pray over each and every woman in the sound of my voice right now, Lord, that you be with them and meet them right where they're at, Lord, that they may be feeling like it's hopeless, that it's over But they're just discouraged.

22:52 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Why, why keep trying? Help them to know, Lord, that you are right there with them, even in the midst that they're not alone, Father that you have good plans in store for them, and that your thoughts and your ways are higher than their thoughts and their ways, and that they just tune into you, Lord, that you can be their hope, their encouragement, their love, their joy, their peace. You can give them peace that surpasses all understanding, because your joy truly does come in the morning.

23:17 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

So I pray that you help them to know that they are not their story excuse me that they're not the labels that people have. Given them are the opinions of others that they're not what even a loved one might have told them when they were younger. Father that they don't have to be. The abandonment any other issues that they're facing because of things that happened to them when they were younger. Lord That to day matters, that they matter, and that you can do a new thing in them right? Lord, that yesterday has gone, tomorrow isn't promised, but today is a gift.

23:57 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Lord, help them to see the gift in today. And to know that you love them, and that you are right there, waiting for them with open arms. Lord. And that you can give them brighter days, Father That yes, everything might not turn around overnight, but that with you all things are possible, and that you'll be with them each and every step of the way, Father. Encourage them now, Lord. Give your angels charge over them that they won't dash their foot against a stone, Lord, And place a hedge of protection around them, Father That no sickness illness or disease will come neither dwellings that they'll be encouraged and you, father, bless their word, speech, actions in deeds.

24:31 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

Guard their heart and mind, father, that they're mindful of what they're taking in, and what they're listening to, and silence all their voices around them, so that yours is the loudest one that they hear, father, and she's a sweet name, we pray, Amen. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I pray that this has blessed you and that it helps encourage you to Keep going to take another step, to get up and fight another day. You can do this, and you are not alone. I would love to walk beside you and help you head over to the journey of you net.

25:05 - Tonia D Benas - The Journey of You

You can click to book a call with me right now. You can send me an email or you can join the community. There are lots of different ways for us to get connected and you don't have to walk through this alone. I would love to continue to help you again. This is your journey's where your life begins.